COUNSELOR'S CORNER: Love and optimism

By Fred Cavaiani This past Saturday afternoon I had the privilege of attending a workshop on Franciscan Spirituality at the Capuchin Retreat in Washington, Michigan. It was given by Fr.Bill Cieslak OFM Cap. A week before this I also had attended a seminar on Spirituality at Manresa Retreat House given by Fr. Bernie Owens S.J. Both presentations overlapped in hope and optimism about a God who loves us and is always reaching out toward us. I experienced two holy men inspire an audience with love, laughter and optimism about life, about God and about appreciation of self. It was all in their emphasis which was full of love and optimism. People left the four hour presentation on Saturday with joy and hope. A different group of people left the evening a week and a half before with the same feeling. Why can't politics and the media be more like this? Good News of hope and love don't seem to be popular selling points in papers and on television. Violence and overcoming evil with force and strength is very popular. Listening to the wisdom of the poor and listening to the wisdom of the rich is not popular either. We become more concerned listening to the judgments and criticisms of the poor and the rich that pervade the media. Democrats and Republicans are optimistic about very little because so much energy is spent on attributing blame to the other party that doing what is good seems to recess far into the background. Forgiveness of one another and letting go of resentments is not popular. Seeing spirituality as something positive and good and hopeful is given wonderful lip service but not consistent practice. I was at a gathering the other day where I heard someone say, "I have been married 42 years. My wife and I really know each other because we make the effort to spend time together." Then I heard another person say in response to this. "Thanks for your insight. I think I need to spend more time with God in order to get to know God." Wisdom comes to us from many different places. Maybe in our culture today we need to spend more time with the Source of Everything, which some people call God, in order to find more Love and Optimism in life. As I type this I am watching my daughter play with her two little girls, five and three, in a very loving manner. She is spending time with them that is joyful and meaningful. Now my son-in-law has joined them. They are all sitting on the floor playing, talking and laughing. They are "knowing one another" not criticizing one another. They are in a joyful dance of love and optimism. This joyful dance of love and optimism is right before us at every moment. It is really an attitude of the moment that is possible for all of us. It simply means focusing on the goodness of the here and now. It means looking for the goodness in people and in creation. When I focus on the positive and look for the optimism of the moment I use less psychic and emotional energy than when I invest in the negative. Positive begets positive. Negative begets negative. Love brings love. Criticism brings criticism. Negative people and negative attitudes become disarmed when surrounded with love and optimism. The negativity of people loses its power when they are embraced with love and optimism. Many years ago a man was marching in Selma, Alabama with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. One of the bystanders came up to this marcher and put a hot cigarette lighter to his face The man said nothing except to look at this bystander with love and forgiveness. This marcher with the now burnt face kept peacefully marching. Soon after the man who had burnt him with the lighter started marching alongside of him with tears in his eyes and joined him arm in arm. I have never forgotten this story which I heard over 44 years ago when I had been marching for Civil Rights in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Love and Optimism can triumph. We just need to give it a chance in the present moment. ---------- Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com. Published: Tue, Nov 8, 2011