MAY IT PLEASE THE PALATE: Flaying Bobby Flay

By Nick Roumel I learned two things culinary this week. Thing One: I do not like cake. As I was thoughtfully chewing a piece of pretty good chocolate birthday cake, I realized: I do not really want this. I would much prefer some French fries. Or jalapeno potato chips. Or anything fried. Which leads me to Thing Two: give me anything fried, any day of the week. I cannot think of a single thing that would not be improved by frying it. Including some opposing counsel, but I digress. This latter epiphany occurred over Thanksgiving weekend. After days of meat, leftover meat, and reconstituted leftover meat, I was craving something vegetarian. I asked my dear sister if I could sully her kitchen by making Eggplant Parmesan. She said yes. I have to say this about my dear sister Elaine. She has never forgotten when I made "shrinky dinks" for her daughters, my nieces, in her oven. For years she smelled plastic when she turned it on, until she replaced the oven. She has also never forgotten when I accidentally spilled lamb broth on her kitchen floor. (Yes, Elaine, it was an accident. Who purposefully spills lamb broth?) She alleged that it was persistently slippery, until she replaced the kitchen floor. Based on these two incidents, she has always been wary when I want to cook in her kitchen. Yet she consented to Eggplant Parmesan. I worked on her: I told her I found the recipe on "Food Network," and it was a Bobby Flay recipe, and that it was rated "easy." She regarded me, with that short but endearing stature of hers, and smile-frowned, like our mother. Then she said "OK." Bobby Flay, with your estimated 30 minutes of prep time, I curse you. Maybe that's 30 minutes if you have a team of Food Network sous chefs, lined up to heed your every utterance with cult-like devotion. And all the food is chopped, prepped, and laid out, with the most benificient mis-en-place, and your servants follow you like the Seven Dwarves worshipped Snow White. Yet I, Bobby Flay, did not accomplish 30 minutes of prep time. With my sister's help, and my niece's reluctant teenaged assistance, we had it prepped in an hour. Which I will forgive. Because you called for FRIED EGGPLANT. And damn, it was good. Warning: you have to make two things separately: the tomato sauce, and the eggplant. With the cheese, it all eventually comes together and makes sense. I roasted a red pepper before starting the tomato sauce and it was a pain, but it really makes the recipe. I made a half-recipe and it fed six; but here's the whole recipe which would be splendid for a potluck or perhaps the Canadian army. Bobby Flay's Eggplant Parmesan (with Roumel's attempted de-mystification) Ingredients: For the tomato sauce: 3 roasted red peppers, peeled, seeded and chopped 3 tablespoons olive oil 1 large yellow onion, coarsely chopped 3 cloves garlic, coarsely chopped 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes 2 (28-ounce) cans plum tomatoes and their juices, crushed with your hands 1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes or puree 3 TBS freshly chopped flat-leaf parsley 3 TBS freshly chopped basil leaves 1 TBS freshly chopped or dried oregano Salt and freshly ground black pepper Honey, to taste For the fried eggplant: 2 to 3 medium eggplants (about 2 1/4-pounds), cut into 1/2-inch-thick round slices (need about 24 slices; I used 12 for a half recipe) All-purpose flour, for dredging 6 large eggs, beaten 2 tablespoons water 5 cups fresh dried breadcrumbs (made from dried day-old bread) 3 TBS freshly chopped flat-leaf parsley 1 TBS freshly chopped or dried oregano 1 TBS finely chopped fresh thyme leaves Vegetable oil, for frying For assembly: Butter, for greasing the dish 12 ounces grated mozzarella (not fresh), plus1/2 pound fresh mozzarella, thinly sliced 12 ounces grated fontina 3/4 cup grated Pecorino Romano Fresh basil leaves, torn Directions: 1. Make the sauce first. Roast the red peppers under the broiler, peel, seed, and chop. Easier: buy them already that way--although there's nothing like fresh roasted red pepper. 2. Heat the oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook until soft. Add the garlic and red pepper flakes and cook for 1 minute. Add the red peppers and cook for 1 minute. 3. Add the tomatoes/tomato sauce, bring to a boil and cook, stirring occasionally, until thickened, about 25 to 30 minutes. Transfer the mixture to a food processor and process until smooth. Return the mixture back to the pot, add the parsley, basil and oregano and season with salt and pepper. Cook for 10 minutes longer and season with honey, if needed. 4. Start working on the eggplant. Preheat the oven to 300 degree F. Evenly spread the bread crumbs on a large baking sheet and place in the oven. Bake for 5 minutes, turn the oven off and let the bread crumbs sit in the oven for a bit until just dry. 5. Raise the temperature of the oven up to 400 degrees F. Lightly butter the bottom and sides of a 15 by 10 by 2-inch baking dish and set aside. 6. Place the bread crumbs into a large shallow bowl. Add the herbs, 1 1/2 teaspoons salt and 1/2 teaspoon of pepper. In another medium shallow bowl, whisk the eggs and 2 tablespoons of water together. 7. Season each eggplant slice on both sides with salt and pepper. Dredge each eggplant slice in the flour, tapping off excess, then dip it in the egg, and finally dredge it in the bread crumb mixture. Shake off any excess breading and transfer the egg plant to a baking sheet. Repeat with the remaining eggplant. 8. Heat 1/2-inch of oil in 2 large straight-sided saute pans over medium heat until the oil reaches a temperature of 385 degrees F. Working in small batches, fry a few of the eggplant slices, turning once, until golden brown, about 3 minutes per batch. Using tongs, transfer to a paper towel-lined baking sheet. Repeat with the remaining eggplant. 9. Assembly: Cover the bottom of the prepared baking dish with some of the tomato sauce and arrange 1/2 of the eggplant over the sauce. Cover the eggplant with some of the sauce, grated mozzarella, fontina, Romano cheese and some of the basil. Repeat to make 3 layers ending with the sauce. Top with the fresh mozzarella and remaining Romano and bake until hot and just beginning to brown, about 30 minutes. Let rest 10 minutes before serving. 10: Eating: The eggplant is fried. It has a pleasing crunch. Forget the cake -- this is the real deal. ---------- Nick Roumel is a principal with Nacht, Roumel, Salvatore, Blanchard, and Walker PC, a litigation firm in Ann Arbor specializing in employment litigation. He also has many years of varied restaurant and catering experience, has taught Greek cooking classes, and writes a food/restaurant column for "Current" magazine in Ann Arbor. He can be reached at nroumel@yahoo.com. His blog is http://mayitpleasethepalate.blogspot.com/. Published: Wed, Dec 11, 2013