COUNSELOR'S CORNER: Reflecting and reminiscing

By Fred Cavaiani Reflecting back, reminiscing, replaying the past year. a new year brings all of these to mind. Commercials, sports promotions, magazines, online media all focus on the year 2013 in review. You can't escape it. It's important to reflect back upon the year just ended. Likewise it's beneficial to reflect on our lives from time to time. Important to reflect, and then move on...not to dwell on the past, not to regret our action or inaction. The decisions we make in life are the best decisions we are capable of at the time we choose our course of action. When someone we know dies it is a natural tendency to reflect back on our connection to them over the years. If it is someone we have not seen for many years, our memories will most likely surface about the time we spent with them in the distant past. The memories of those we hold close to us and see on a regular basis will span time and hopefully cause us to cherish the good times, forget the troubled times. It's important to make each day count. Holding off telling someone we love them, cherish their friendship, hold them in our heart, is not a good idea. Best to remind friends, loved ones, and those whose companionship we value often, not just at holidays, special occasions, and Hallmark Days. More often in these modern times, we are reminded of our own mortality. Watching the local news may be depressing at times because there is often so much bad news. Watching the reports of people struck down whether by traffic accidents, crime, illness or attacks on humanity should be a warning to us to never take our relationships in stride. They must be nurtured, cared for and loved. Our relationships of all types must be nurtured, from the person we often see in the lobby of our office building as they arrive for work at the same time we do, to the person that delivers our mail, all need to be recognized as a relationship. The pastor at our church as well as the person whose singing we enjoy at the services, all should know we appreciate them. Longstanding customers that come and go from our offices need to be valued. Saying goodbye in a meaningful way is important since we never know when that person could become a memory before we see them again. Whether the client is pleasant to work with or more of a challenge, we have a history with them. As we begin this New Year many of us look over our lives and the way we function. It would be a great addition to our daily routine if we each made a focused effort to reach out a little extra to those we routinely encounter. Let them know we appreciate their efforts in their jobs. If we receive poor service at an establishment many of us feel the urge to bring it to the attention of the management. How often do we bring management's attention to excellent service we have received? It all counts. The smile we give will be reflected back. The good feelings we sprinkle around as we go through our day will return to us like a boomerang and lift our spirits. The family we hold dear to us needs to be told "I love you" so that they hear the words and feel the love we hold in our heart. Putting the good feelings out into the universe just may lighten someone else's heavy burden and will make us feel better at the same time. It's a double bonus, and who among us doesn't love a bonus! ---------- This week I asked my wife Alice to write the article. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll be back at the keyboard for the next column. Fred Cavaiani ---------- Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com. Published: Tue, Jan 7, 2014