Have you ever felt tension because you listened to the news on television, local news, national news, CNN, FOX NEWS, MSBC, CNBC, or whatever other station you might watch or listen to on the radio? Have you ever felt tense about how your sons, daughters, grandchildren, and friends might be thinking or acting? So much of our life can be spent in useless worrying.
I am always amazed at how easy it is to discuss and judge how other people are or how other people are supposed to be.
Priests, Ministers, Rabbis, Imams, and Pastors of various churches often must be concerned with how their parishioners or congregants are doing. Sometimes leaders can seem judgmental and condemning of people if they are not behaving the "correct" way. It is easy to pour out the "condemnation of God" upon people who think differently than we do. The rigid groups in most religions can often use God as a condemning and judgmental person about who is right and who is wrong. Personally, we all do this at times, and the more we do this the more we lose the essence of peaceful living.
When my judgments and my personality can become less important and I can be concerned primarily with how much I bring care and compassion to others, internally and externally, I will receive the courage and strength to experience an inner peace and happiness.
Religion, psychology, and group gatherings should always promote harmony and peace. I should always be doing this in the daily events of life. It will relax myself and will live in harmony with everyone.
Whatever religion, psychology or philosophy a person might profess, it should always be about promoting love and harmony. Love and harmony result not from telling you how wrong you are, but in telling you how I have discovered harmony and peace by living a life of humility and compassion and an openness to an always Loving God. I can only help another person if I reduce my own ego and practice fundamental principles in my life which I call MALT. Meditation, Awareness, Love and Thanksgiving. This is helpful in being humble and helps me to look for the goodness in everyone and not worry how the world should be or how you should be. It helps me be concerned about how I should be in the daily events and moments of life. When I can go through life promoting love and harmony and have an open and honest relationship with myself and a profound relationship with a God, who is always loving and caring, amazing things happen inside of me. I think that I can then bring amazing, loving and compassionate energy into the world and with everyone with whom I interact.
I can remember when I first finished school and started my practice. I had the idea that my great wisdom could help people. How pompous and prideful that was. Early in my life I had been a Catholic priest and had studied from the age 14 to age 27 in preparing for this. When I was ordained at age 26, I felt so proud and happy and unconsciously felt that I was supposed to save the world. Well sometimes, that may have been conscious also. I had met many holy and humble priests. I thought I was one of them, but I wasn't. I think my own insecurities and my need to be perfect got in the way of giving people a humble and loving message. And that attitude continued in my early years of being a psychologist though I was not aware of it.
Only through many hours of prayer, meditation and sharing with others who had a good dosage of humility and self-reflection did I begin to realize the importance of humility, powerlessness and simply bringing care and compassion to others. The practice of MALT has helped me tremendously these past forty years. Now I can learn from everyone. My presence with others is not to condemn or criticize but to share and care and listen and understand. It is amazing to realize that when I become less important, other people begin to feel more important and more loved and begin to experience the genuine goodness inside of themselves.
The people that have influenced me most powerfully in life have been people who have been humble and loving. The priest who officiated at our wedding 46 years ago, Fr. Rupert Dorn OFM Cap, was a man of gentle humility and compassion. His influence has had a powerful influence on my life. I still remember his homily on that great day: "Marriage is the meshing together of the daily routines of life." Another person is a Psychologist who has been my consultant for many years. His gentle humility, wisdom and compassion has helped me tremendously. And then there are many friends who have crossed my path, women and men who have taught me a lot about life: honesty, integrity, spirituality, how to embrace pain and struggle and how to deepen my relationship with God.
Each of us have experienced people who have had a positive influence on our life. This is a tremendous blessing. I have discovered that the less important I become, the more grateful I become and the more I can remember these positive influences in my life. Lord, keep me humble and make me humble NOW. I think when I become less important in my mind on how I am to be perceived by others, the more peace and love I discover and experience. Tension then goes away because I simply have to be loving towards all and continue stay out of the dangerous neighborhoods of negativity and condemnation. I think I will give up being the Savior of the World and just bring more love, compassion and hopefully humility into the world.
This week on Friday we remember Francis of Assisi who left us this great prayer:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O divine master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is dying that we are born to eternal life.
--------
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and psychotherapist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan he is also on staff at Capuchin Retreat Center in Washington, MI. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com.
Published: Tue, Oct 01, 2019
