OCBA UPDATE: The one about civility in the practice ...

As we approach the holiday season, I want to take this opportunity to offer a message of optimism to my fellow members of the Oakland County Bar Association.

In this time of national and international turmoil, it is easy to project the messages we receive from every media outlet onto the practice of law. I have heard (and, occasionally, have been heard to speak) criticisms of the practice of law and, specifically, of the way that we treat each other in the practice. However, contrary to popular belief, I offer this possibly minority opinion: Civility, compassion, and friendship in the practice of law are not dead. They exist in large quantities among all of us in the OCBA.

Those who practice law can point to numerous situations where they have seen opposing counsel take liberties to gain an advantage. Jim Carrey’s role as Fletcher Reede in “Liar Liar” is a pretty good encapsulation of our most pessimistic modern-day (how was that movie released almost 25 years ago?) pop-culture image of an attorney. As said by Fletcher’s son when he is telling his class what his father does for a living:

Max Reede: My dad? He’s ... a liar.

Teacher: A liar? I’m sure you don’t mean a liar.

Max Reede: Well, he wears a suit and goes to court and talks to the judge.

Teacher: Oh, you mean he’s a lawyer.

Max shrugs.

There are too many lawyer jokes to count, and while it is easy to portray lawyers in a bad light, I am sharing a brief personal story to present a different picture.

It is beyond cliche to refer to the last 18 months and the impact of COVID-19 as “life altering,” and for many, to call the alterations caused by COVID-19 “negative” fails to do justice to the devastation the disease has caused. However, for many, there have been silver linings. For me, one silver lining has been how my personal experience with the virus strengthened my faith in and friendships with fellow members of the bar.

When I, my wife, and our two small children all had COVID-19 at the same time in October and November 2020, it was during one of the busiest times in my career, and I had no idea how I was going to survive the experience. I can now laugh when I look back at that first week when my wife quarantined in our bedroom as I watched our 4-year-old and 6-year-old while conducting four Zoom mediations in five days. At the time, however, things looked bleak. Yes, losing two toilets that week and our daughter cutting her own hair with scissors now seem like good ingredients for a sitcom.

However, at the time, it felt like I was living in a Hitchcock movie.

Comfort came from an unexpected source: my opposing counsel. At first, I tried to push through with every case, every project, and every deadline, but I soon became overwhelmed, particularly as my personal struggle with COVID symptoms unfolded. Very soon, I had no choice but to do something that is difficult for me: ask for help.

Big case or small, it did not matter; whatever I needed, I received. I still remember the response from opposing counsel in one of my most contentious cases: “Holy [smokes] — I’m very sorry to hear that. I hope everyone is doing OK. This can wait.” I received countless similar responses from opposing counsel, my partners, mediators, and court staff, which allowed me and my family to focus on our health and recover.

I am certain my story is not unique, as the pandemic has caused many of us to reevaluate our priorities and to reflect on the way we approach one another, personally and professionally. I share this story to remind us that we are in this together. Being an attorney is not an easy job and imposes all manner of internal and external pressures. For almost all of us, the practice is a combination of occupation, profession, and calling that is guided by, among other things, strong senses of duty, advocacy, and competition. It is in this context that my mind turns to the countless quotations that speak to the premise of “reaping what one sows.” To find civility, compassion, and friendship in the practice of law, we should look inward. Expressing these qualities will inevitably result in the qualities being returned.

As we approach the holiday season — no matter which holidays or traditions you celebrate — let’s take a deep breath, reflect upon the positive relationships that we have formed because we are lawyers, and carry those thoughts into the coming new year.
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Kaveh Kashef, Butzel Long PC, is the 89th president of the Oakland County Bar Association.