Michigan winters are grey and cloudy. It can have a depressing effect on people. I would rather it just be plain nighttime instead of grey, lifeless and with no green around. People with a seasonal affective disorder, which means that grey and gloomy days can cause them to feel depressed and sad, experience a sense of emptiness on grey days. So when I am driving and looking at the trees without leaves, the grayness all around, and the grey and lifeless sky, I say to myself, this is difficult for me and many other people. Then I breathe a prayer of gratitude for having an awareness and experience that I have a connection with a loving God. I realize that each moment of life is meant to be a secure foundation if I have a positive experience of God. This gives me a secure foundation for living in the present moment. It also helps me to look at life in a more profound manner in which I become more aware of the purpose of life for myself.
A secure foundation in life is the realization that happiness doesn't come from good weather. It is not the result of how good other people may be. It is also not the result of how well other people treat me. Happiness is the result of how well I love other people and how deeply I experience a God whom I can realize is always loving me.
A secure foundation in life anchors me into experiencing meaning in every moment. Often Religious Denominations can portray an image of a God who sends people to hell instead of a God who will always be a loving Father/God no matter what behavior we might be doing. Misery in life is the result of running away from reflection and love and embracing resentments and condemnations of other people. It doesn't change God's Love for us but it changes our ability to be receptive and believe in a loving God who is always with us in each moment of life.
Psychologically, when a person invests in hanging on to resentments and invests in anger and criticism, that person puts himself or herself into an emotional and spiritual prison. If someone keeps blaming other people for the misery or pain he or she might be feeling, happiness and peace will elude them. That person will caught into embracing blame and avoiding the pain that must be felt in order to emotionally heal. Positive psychology and spirituality will give a person a secure foundation to find meaning in each moment of life. The realization that the embrace of pain becomes an embrace of a positive experience of healing and hope will help a person to discover a Loving God in each moment of life.
A secure foundation is the result of spending much quiet time in meditation. It is also the result of consciously loving others and consciously being grateful in each moment of life. A firm and secure foundation will be experienced when I am grateful and when I am loving toward others in this present moment.
As I watch people walking their dogs outside I become so impressed at seeing the love this man or this woman is showing their pet. People have pets in order to love and to feel loved. Everyone wants to love and feel loved. But this demands that I first start loving. The more I love, the more love comes backs to me. A secure foundation in life is to be always loving. When I stay out of my head and stay in my heart, I begin to experience the importance of Love and the importance of being loving toward others in words and actions.
We seek love from birth until death. To find this love I must make the effort to be loving and kind. I must pay attention to my deepest longings. Contained in our deepest longings will be a desire to be loved and a desire to live forever. Gently listening to our deepest longings can help us find a secure foundation.
Many people will start exercising at some point in their life. In this consistent commitment to exercise a person often learns to be internally quiet and start looking at life in a deeper manner. If this happens a man or woman begins to see the importance of meditation and looking at life in a deeper manner. It becomes a journey into a secure foundation in life. Holy men and women over the ages began to realize the importance of finding a secure foundation in life. Last week Monday, we celebrated Martin Luther King Jr. Day. This was a man who had a Secure Foundation in Life and helped the whole world understand the purpose of being kind and loving to all. I remember attending a talk he gave in Wausau, Wisconsin many years ago while I was in theological studies. I was so impressed by his enthusiasm, dedication and compassion. He was killed a few years after but his Secure Foundation in life has stayed with me and many other people.
It is not how long we live that is important. It is how well we live in being caring and kind to everyone that is most important. A Secure Foundation is based on a relationship with God, a positive and kind attitude toward life, and a consistent commitment to be loving toward everyone. The paradox of all of this is that life becomes a joyful experience no matter what might happen to us. And often when we live this way we increase our longevity of life because we are not caught up in internal tension and frustration. It is never too late to go deeper into what brings us a secure foundation in life.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is FredsCounselorsCorner.com.
