Love and pain

Here I am writing this article from the 33rd floor of the Marriott Hotel on the Magnificent Mile in the windy city of Chicago. My wife and I have had a refreshing and inspiring experience attending the wedding of the son of one of our closest couple friends. There was quite a Michigan contingency attending this wedding of Mark and his beautiful bride, Kristin. It was a wedding that radiated the celebration of Love. Community gatherings like weddings often give us an opportunity to share and reminisce with people that we may have known for years but haven't often seen. Because we stayed at the same hotel of the wedding celebration, we had a chance to visit and share memories and stories with a number of people. Two inspiring encounters reminded me of how love and pain are so closely connected and when both are embraced a well lived and well loved life continues to unfold. The first experience was watching the groom's 99 year old grandmother on the dance floor with a huge smile and warm open arms dancing with her grandson, and other family members. This marvelous widow inspired me. Her daughter and son-in-law have inspired me for years with their warmth and kindness. Yet each of these wonderful people have had their struggles and tragedies in life, and yet here in this marvelous city of Chicago they were dancing and laughing and sharing joyful memories. You could tell that they know how to live life to the fullest and that every struggle that has come their way has always been a stepping stone to greater depth in life. During the dinner celebration and also the next morning we had the opportunity to talk with another woman, Judy, whose husband died eleven months ago. She and her husband were best friends of the parents of the groom. She and her husband had been married for over 37 years. We had known this lovely couple for many years. Watching Judy out on the dance floor with her two adult sons was an inspiration to everyone. Judy is a one of the warmest, kindest women we have ever met and she deeply loved her husband. Yet this was a woman who could face this pain and in her tears there was found smiles, love and laughter. As she stated to my wife and myself, "I miss Leo every day and I cry a lot but it also allows me to appreciate what I had with him and continue to go on with love and peace and joy." This wonderful night in Chicago it was evident that she possesses love, peace and joy even in the midst of pain. She laughed and danced and shared and reminisced. She, like Anna, the 99 year old grandmother, knows that pain can never stop a person from loving but only challenge them to love more. The wonderful tributes the bride and groom gave to their families manifested again the principle that when love is present, families thrive so beautifully in spite of what life might give them. My wife and I reminisced about this wedding celebration with awe and gratitude. It was a reminder that even though all of us will suffer tragedies in life, the tragedies are not obstacles to happiness and peace. It is in embracing the tragedies and diminishments of life that our personalities develop and grow and allow us to bring more joy, love and peace into the world. As I looked over the exquisite and glorious room where the evening's dinner and dancing took place I knew a number of people in the room and knew their histories. Watching everyone laugh, embrace, dance and share with each other I was powerfully inspired again to realize that tragedies do not have to stop happiness. They can be stepping stones to a deeper appreciation of life and what life is all about. Tears and laughter are very closely connected. —————————— Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his Web site is fredthecounselor.com. Published: Wed, Sep 8, 2010

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