COUNSELOR'S CORNER: The mother in all of us

By Fred Cavaiani It is the end of Mother's Day as I write this article. It has been a day of celebrating the motherhood of my wife and our two daughters. Both are married and have two children. Watching my wife and daughters mother their children with such tender and warm nurturing is always inspiring. The sensitive tender actions I have observed for years in my wife towards our children and now I so gratefully observe in my daughters toward their children challenges me to a new depth within myself. Mother's Day celebrates the nurturing of motherhood. Without mothers or a mothering person nurturing each of us in life, we would be relegated to a painful darkness. We all need to be nurtured. Each of us desires to have someone love us unconditionally and consistently. For those who have had good mothers in childhood, a strong foundation was developed. For those who didn't have this foundation, it is never too late to be nurtured. Each of us has within us the power to nurture the world and every person we meet. If we have experienced love in our lives we have the ability to bring nurturing love to one another. There is a mother in all of us that is tender and kind, warm and loving. The struggle is that when we nurture someone else with kind words and loving actions, we become open and vulnerable. This openness and vulnerability causes us to go to a deeper place within ourselves. This deeper place within us hungers to love and be loved. When we allow ourselves to experience this profound place within ourselves, an awareness begins to happen that everyone hungers to love and be loved. Every mother is challenged to realize this when their newborn is placed into their arms. This little child needs the mother's love. It is the beginning of a new awareness of life and what love is all about. Life is no longer just about self. It is about others and it is about bringing love to the child that has been born. This awareness to bring love to others happens to everyone in life. There is the nurturing part that is present in everyone, not just in mothers. However mothers and fathers are challenged to get in touch with this nurturing part of themselves when parenthood begins The world needs the mother inside all of us. We, personally, need to allow ourselves to experience the mother inside of us. That quiet, subtle desire to bring love to someone else needs to be activated. It brings out the best of us and makes the world a better place. It also makes us better people. It is easy to be moved to tears when observing a mother's dedication to her children. This is because this experience touches that deep part within each of us that wants to love and be loved. It is a nurturing desire that has been put into us by someone who has nurtured us at some point in life. The secret of a good life is to allow this nurturing inclination to be expressed over and over again towards ourselves and towards other people. Every time we hang on to resentments, anger, and a withdrawing from ourselves through addictive actions, we dull this sense of nurturing and love. We suffer and the world suffers. Mothers teach us that love is powerfully alive in each of us. Watch a loving mother and discover that this nurturing love is also inside of you. Surrender to it. Embrace it. Let is be experienced and expressed. This nurturing part of ourselves is always present within us. Let the nurturing mother inside of you be given to the world so we can this world a more loving planet and allow ourselves to experience the Source of all nurturing. Take a chance. Nurturing Love is what keeps all of us on a wonderful journey. ---------------- Fred Cavaiani is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com Published: Tue, May 10, 2011