By Fred Cavaiani
Last week my family celebrated my birthday (another milestone in my life) with a party at our daughter and son-in-law’s home. The guestlist had been kept a secret from me. What a delightful surprise! Friends that I have known over many years attended the party. My wife certainly knew the people that are very important to me. My brother and sister-in-law drove in from Wisconsin and surprised me. They are very close to me and it meant so much to have them present. We all laughed, reminisced, cried and shared memories. The day before our daughter had called and asked me what my three favorite songs are. I told her the names, “Stout-Hearted Men,” (which I was sure no one had ever heard of because I only remember the song from high school), “My Way,” and “The Impossible Dream.”
After most of the guests had arrived at the party, our two daughters and son gathered the guests into the living room and announced that we would all be watching a short DVD. It was pictures of my life and our family gatherings over the past forty years. I don’t think there was a dry eye left in this majestic group. It was a DVD filled with sacred memories and traditions. After the DVD was finished my brother read a poem that he had written with much humor and inspiration about his big brother. More tears and laughter filled the room. Though this was a day honoring me, what happened on this day with this glorious DVD and with so many friends gathered was really a story of everyone’s life. I was just fortunate to have my daughter Michelle put it all together in a condensed form.
Sacred memories and sacred traditions need to be celebrated and remembered. There is so much in every person’s life which can be forgotten, neglected and minimized.
Then when that person dies, we begin to appreciate him or her in a deeper manner. Yet at that point it is often too late and our attention is only given for a short time.
Each of us has sacred memories and sacred traditions within our own personal selves that we need to cherish and share with others. It is easy to be so busy that we forget where we have been, who have been the important people in our lives and what have been the special experiences and growth experiences in our lives.
In one section of this DVD there were many pictures of the grandchildren and myself. I have never thought of myself as a particularly good grandfather but after seeing so many pictures of each grandchild with me, I began to realize that maybe I am a pretty good grandfather. Then there were the pictures of so many dear and special friends that kept showing up over the last forty years and most of them were there watching the DVD with me. What a privilege and joy to have my friends share and remember with me. What a positive and energizing blessing we all experienced.
The story of a person’s life is a treasure. It becomes easy to forget this treasure and minimize the experiences of our own personal history. This awesome Saturday I was taught in a most emotional and inspirational manner to appreciate the beauty of every person’s life and treat each person with more love and respect. There is a wonderful history to each person’s life. My family and friends gave me a deeper appreciation for own history. They arranged a day for me which lovingly jolted me into more gratitude and appreciation for the life-history of every person I know and every new person I will meet on my journey through life.
A wise woman of eighty-seven gave an inspiring talk at a football banquet of the school she was attending to get her degree at the ripe age of 87: “We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it. There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.”
Someone sent me these words a few days after the party. It certainly helped me put the rest of my life in perspective. Sacred memories and sacred traditions are to help all of us laugh more, cry well, and love more. This inspiring day helped me appreciate my family and everyone else in a more profound and grateful manner. Thank you for reading this article. You are one of my friends and in a sense part of my family.
Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his Web site is fredthecounselor.com.
