Fred Cavaiani
As I Iisten to the various political candidates for president proclaim their message of political, financial and social salvation for the world, I find myself asking the question over and over again: What is really important in life? As I ask this question I then have to apply it to myself: what is really important to find happiness in life? As the years pass I realize that happiness is not experienced by how much money I have. It does not happen because of what political party is in office. Happiness also is not dependent upon being free of physical sickness or personal tragedies or freedom from emotional wounds. And finally, happiness and peace will not result from my dedication to causes which I believe will change you or your political or religious viewpoint. I have seen too many people become angry, critical and even bitter about what they think are the "evils" in the world.
The people that make a difference in my life are those who are kind. People who accept me and listen attentively to my viewpoint and perceptions help create an atmosphere for happiness and peace. They may not agree with me but they listen with acceptance and understanding. Having a belief in a God who is always loving, accepting and compassionate brings happiness because it helps me understand when I am not loving, accepting and compassionate toward everyone. I don't find much happiness in arguing with people about religion or politics, or making sarcastic remarks about how other people view life.
The people in my life that have seemed the happiest have given me an experience of how to embrace brokenness, helplessness, and compassion toward everyone. I have seen many miracles of broken, open and honest men and women who speak humbly, honestly and reverently about other people and about their own personal lives. Sometimes it seems to me that the people who have experienced so much more pain in life than I may have seem to have the most welcoming and compassionate hearts. I have often wondered why this might be. As the years pass I am convinced that the men and women who totally embrace their pain and struggles are the most wise, compassionate and peaceful people on this planet. There is a depth and peace and a wisdom that emanates from them that enfolds me with a sense of meaning and well- being. As I look at history I am convinced that people like this have been the best proponents for positive change in society. Their lives did not depend upon whether change took place. Their lives were based on making internal changes within themselves which consisted of love, compassion, simplicity and freedom from attachments to how much they could possess in life. Some of these people were very poor. Some were very rich. But neither was attached to clinging to things. Both were committed to giving what they had to others, their love, their compassion, and their possessions.
Give me a leader who practices personally what they profess politically. Whatever guide I choose in life, be it a president, a spiritual advisor or emotional guide, I hope that they practice the principles of love, compassion, simplicity and spirituality in their own life. However, I am not going to worry about finding a leader like this. That is not so important. What is more important is that I practice these principles in my own life. If I can do this I may have a positive influence on the world. But this positive influence will simply be a by-product or consequence of living a good life. It is such a privilege to exist. It is such a privilege to love you and be compassionate toward you. It is such a privilege to be free from worrying or becoming preoccupied with my possessions or my money. If I can live a good life through care, compassion, reflection, and taking good care of myself emotionally, spiritually and physically, I will have the energy to do what is necessary to create a better world. What a glorious life is before all of us. I just need to take the chance to live it.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage and family therapist and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com
Published: Tue, Jul 14, 2015
