Lisa Henderson-Newlin, The Levison Group
I loved recess when I was a kid. Who didn’t? For some reason I had a lot of friends and at recess we would always run directly to the swings and see how high we could get and how much it would shake the actual swing set. (I didn’t go to a very good school.) Fortunately, the only injuries sustained during my time on that swing set were pinched fingers from the chains and an occasional tetanus scare. (What did I tell you? I didn’t go to a very good school.)
Recess was my favorite time of day. Feeling the wind on my face and the way it made my dress fly up over my head made we never want it to end. Wait…I think I just discovered why I had a lot of friends…
As a lawyer, however, recess now means slamming a Diet Coke in the hallway just outside of the bathroom explaining to my client how her recent cross examination might not have hurt our case that badly. (It probably did.) There’s no time to take a deep breath, although you wouldn’t want to, especially if you’re standing outside said bathroom when you do it. Wouldn’t it be nice if instead of being left to inadvertently ingest bathroom chemicals during our recesses we were actually allowed to have recess like we did when we were kids? It would be a great way to blow off some steam and perhaps even see daylight.
I’ve given this some thought and like a good lawyer would do, I’ve considered it from several angles. Although it sounds like it might be a good idea, I’ve considered whether it truly is worth exploring and here’s a few recess activities that I’ve come up with and why they might not be such a good idea for lawyers.
• The sandbox — I used to love to play in the sandbox when I was a kid. However, I’m not sure the sandbox would be a good option for lawyers. After all, don’t people say we can’t play nice there anyway?
• Whiffle ball —This is bad for a variety of reasons, the most significant being that we don’t need to be doing anything competitive. Otherwise it will just turn into oral arguments in the dugout
• The jungle gym — This is a recipe for disaster simply because someone is going to get hurt and then someone is going to get sued and then it's just back to work.
• The slide — I suspect that a metal slide doesn't work well with expensive suit material. Hello ripped pants.
• The merry-go-round —Vomiting really shouldn't be on the docket for the afternoon but it would be if we allowed this.
• Dodge ball — This also might not be a good idea, especially when the participants are angry at each other about a hearsay objection. Then again, it might feel good to pelt opposing counsel in the face with a big red ball...you know...because it's the rules of the game.
• The swings — This isn't a good idea because there's never enough swings for everyone and no one wants to spend their entire recess playing “Paper, Rock, Scissors” to see who gets a swing.
• The monkey bars — This is probably a more appropriately named place for all of us to be but lawyers are better at contorting our words; not our bodies
• The trampoline — This is basically just a playground of torts in and of itself but that's not why it wouldn't work as a recess for lawyers. It's just too much jumping and that's exercise ... eww.
• The balance beam —We all metaphorically walk a tightrope in court with our legal arguments, we certainly don't want to do so figuratively over recess.
So maybe we should just stick to the regular recess that we’re used to. If you need me during recess in the future, I’ll be back to slamming Diet Cokes and avoiding inhaling cleaning-product fumes in the bathroom. You know, just like I imagined being a lawyer would be.
––––––––––
Under Analysis is a nationally syndicated column of The Levison Group. Lisa Henderson-Newlin is a shareholder of the law firm McAnany, Van Cleave, and Phillips. She’s a contributing writer at NickMom.com and writes a humor website, LisaNewlin.com. Contact Lisa at lhenderson@mvplaw.com or contact Under Analysis by email at comments@levisongroup.com.
© 2015 Under Analysis L.L.C.
