Typing Out Loud
If you have to purchase a VIP ticket you probably aren’t an actual VIP.
When two people walking towards each other almost collide both apologize and both take all the blame. This is not the same as when people are in cars.
It would be fascinating to talk to a person who was deaf their whole life and then could suddenly hear and ask them what words they made up in their head to describe stuff.
Blasting music in public is the same as shining a bright light in someones eyes.
Coffins are probably the least likely place to cough in.
Thousands of years ago families didn’t have surnames and then suddenly they did and their ancestors have been stuck with that surname ever since. Did the original guy choose that name or was it given to him?
“Right” has two opposites.
The moment you try to be cool is the moment you cease to be cool, I’m talking to you morning news anchors with laptops and notebooks on your desk.
Eventually all the good email addresses will be held by dead people.
Last week I golfed with three friends in a golf tournament, one of the friends I hadn’t seen in forty years (Chris Depoy). All four of us are somewhat successful adults and the initial greeting were cordial and professional. Fifteen seconds later we reverted to twelve-year-olds.
For all we know dinosaurs barked.
If you were suddenly able to speak with your pet, to have an actual conversation, it would be really weird to ever scratch their belly again after that.
If you’re lying on your back dying of hypothermia in the snow you could literally see your last breath.
Kids used to go outside and hide so adults couldn’t see them smoke, now adults go outside and hide so kids can’t see them smoke.
Using your turn signal is not a sign of weakness.
It’s odd that on Family Feud you get the most points for giving the easiest answer.
If you walked around full time impersonating Napoleon, or George Bush, or Michael on The Office, people would suggest you seek help, but if you walk around full time impersonating Elvis you’ve got yourself a career.
The whole world could blink at the exact same time and we'd never know.
If I ever have a garage sale I’ll place a box out front that says “Before entering, put a dollar bill in the box and I won’t judge you.”
Printed by permission of the author. Email him at Lorenzatlarge@aol.com.
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