Typing Out Loud
I was watching the debacle of a Democrat Party debate and I muted the sound for a moment. Without sound, the way Bernie waves his hands around he looks like he’s an old wizard casting spells.
Which actually isn’t that far from the truth.
Bernie appeals to kids because kids don’t think about the future, they only think about now, right now, this second. If kids actually weighed the pros and cons of their actions we wouldn’t have student loan debt or the need for abortions. Bernie is the guy whispering “It’ll be okay, baby” into a sixteen-year-old girl’s ear.
If Mickey Mouse is a mouse then Pluto is an unbelievably tiny dog.
You could actually make Surf and Turf out of the carcass of one dead mermaid.
In the word “Bee,” one or both e’s could be silent.
Right now, in your house, is food that you will only eat as a last resort.
If you see an empty water bottle floating on a lake, that bottle is doing the exact opposite of what it was designed to do.
Every time you close your eyes you’re trusting in an unwritten social contract that no one in your family will kill you with an ax while you sleep.
I would like to thank Elizabeth Warren for demonstrating just how annoying a person can be.
But maybe she’s less annoying after a few brewskis*.
*I can’t believe she actually said “brewskis”.
I went to the “Human Body” exhibit at the VanAndel Museum and it’s pretty enlightening. They have actual (hopefully) dead people sort of lying around in varying states of disrepair so you can see what’s going on inside of you. The three things that stood out to me were:
1. Until you see one, it’s hard to imagine how small a human brain is. It’s about the size of one of those little footballs with Insurance Company names on them that cheerleaders toss into the crowd at halftime. To think of all the things that little hunk of meat can do destroys any doubt that there’s a God. That stuff doesn’t just happen.
2. I never really appreciated how tiny an artery is. When they say “He had a clogged artery in his lung” you don’t picture that artery to be the thickness of a sewing thread.
3. I had no idea that testes aren’t hooked together, that they are completely separate entities from one another.
There is no WAY Mike Bloomberg saw this coming. He thought he was going to show up at the debate and the other candidates were going be like “Pschaw, we’re sure glad you’re here, you’re our only hope of defeating Trump.” Instead they were on him like rabies jackals from minute one. Lizzy Warren looked like she might actually bite his throat and shake him like a poodle. Billionaires aren’t used to that.
And poor Joe Biden, that dude doesn’t even know what planet he’s on. The only question with Biden is who’s going to drop out first, him or his teeth.
Printed by permission of the author. Email him at Lorenzatlarge@aol.com.
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The Six Steps to More Fish in 2020
Pro anglers and tournament anglers will tell you they spend a minimum of 25% of their on water time looking for fish. The pro anglers tell me they spend 50% of their time in search mode prior to the tournament day. Folks, the best way to do this is to understand your graph.
Side view, side scan or whatever you want to call it is the biggest breakthrough in many years. Basically you are looking for white spots on the graph with shadows. If the shadows are touching then the fish is on the bottom. If there is separation then the fish are suspended.
It will take some time and practice in identifying fish from weeds, logs, etc. The key is using your full screen and going slow. One mile up to say 5 mph is best. I say slower is better. Please, watch ten You Tube videos on this. We spot colonies of bluegill bedding, new weeds, sunken islands and fish.
The old guys at In-Fishermen and at Fishing Facts preached the importance of learning one lake first. The point is learn one or two bodies of water before racing off to other lakes. Start with a lake that is known to hold the species that you like. Some lakes have lots of small fish, others less fish but larger fish.
Pick out your lake, buy a topographic map for 2 bucks from the DNR web site. And I would suggest the Navionics app for 10 bucks for your cell phone. These maps will show the depth contour lines, the area with the largest shallow flats, the drop-offs and much more.
Springtime fish will most often be in the area with the largest shallow water flats. Start there and divide the lake in half or into quarters.
When you go to the lake dissect this half or quarter of the lake looking for weeds, drop-off and anything else that could prove important. Drop a way point on anything of interest.
A great time to do this is at ice out. Take one rod with a few sinkers and hooks that you do not mind losing. Start out in shallow water where you can see the bottom. Run your side scan at a maximum range of 80 feet. You will soon be able to trust what you are seeing on the graph with that of your own eyes.
Master a few lures or bait techniques. Do not carry a tackle box filled with stuff that you really do not have a clue how to use. A basic tackle box will have slip floats, glow tear drops, some plastic action tails with Charlie Brewer bass/walleye grubs and the crappie grubs, my favorite, and some jig heads in sizes from 1/16 ounce up to a quarter ounce. A couple of floating original Rapalas, a few Flatfish lures and the Mag Lip lures, a few bell sinkers, some 3-way swivels and a few crawler harness rigs.
Sharp hooks catch more fish. Simple, but yet rarely checked by the angler. Carry a hook file in your boat. Check all of your hooks. Yes, that includes the hooks on your rubber spiders, teardrops, crawler harness rigs and crankbaits. This habit will put more fish into your boat and costs a few bucks.
If your goal is to land more walleye join a club. I am a member of West Michigan Walleye Club. Costs 35 bucks. We have a seminar speaker each month, free to attend. We have newsletters that go back a decade full of information on all of the lakes that we have fished, tackle used and much more. Plus, I meet a lot of anglers that talk panfish which is my favorite fish to eat. Last, attend the Sport and RV Show in Grand Rapids. Bring along a pen and paper, attend the seminars and talk to the reps by their booths. Oh, by the way, keep a log book! Record what you caught, the barometer reading and if it was rising or falling. I even include the 4 solunar feeding times for each day. Stop in at Bobs Gun and Tackle for your hunting and fishing products.
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